Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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