I'm really into asian looking animals
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
