and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
