Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
