Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
