if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
