If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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