Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
