go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
