And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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