hotel room ftw
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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