i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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