Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
