I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need to calm my uterus...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
