the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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