i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
