i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Im part way to drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize