Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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