And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize