Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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