I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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