I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
