Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
