He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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