i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
