I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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