Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
