I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
