Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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