if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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