if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
