I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
