Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
