the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
