hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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