He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
