My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
