Your dad touched me again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
