he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
