forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
