I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
