did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize