you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
