I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
