I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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