I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
