giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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