Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think people are normalizing furries
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize