Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize