i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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