i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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