So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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