your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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