there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize