you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
