It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
