Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
