I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please come you make the beer taste better
stop calling my apartment porn island.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
