So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
