At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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