I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
