You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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