singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
