I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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