time to smoke my breakfast
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
