remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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