She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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