it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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