Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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