Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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