He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
