I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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