I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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