You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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