I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
