why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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