Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
