After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize