I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
