Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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