I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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