just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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