We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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