Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Couch. On fire.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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