i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
