Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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