I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
