How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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