before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have fence marks all over my body
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
