i love accidental penises.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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