Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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