I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is Oprah even human
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
