I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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