it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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