Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
