She is in my trunk
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
