Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
