I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
