so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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