I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
