Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
