I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
